Our most precious commodity isn’t money, or precious metals and gems. The most finite resource available to us, the most precious thing we can give of ourselves is our time, energy, and the integrity in which we give them away. The lesson spirit has been teaching me lately, is how just how valuable those things really are.
I’ll admit I used to be, until very recently, the BIGGEST flake! ❄️ For real!!! Sure, I felt like anxiety was a good excuse, but when it comes down to the bones of it- it’s was just that for me: an excuse. Something I found myself playing the willing victim to.
It goes a little something like this: I have a great time on the occasions when I am out with friends and then have fun ideas for future get togethers; or I might RSVP that I would be able to attend an event I had been invited to. Then the day of the event arrives, anxiety enters the picture, and staying home to conserve my energy always seems like the better option. I really do want to have fun, and be social, and do all the things – but sometimes it’s hard to even just exist, you know?
When I stepped onto the path of Shamanism, one of the things spirit really emphasized for me was having more integrity with my words. That meant following through on the things my mouth eagerly volunteered my energy to do. I’ve committed myself to this path, and I’m really trying to learn to use my words and energy wisely. I’ve been very conscientious about it, but it does take effort for me! This is really not easy for me sometimes! Ok, ever!! It is REALLY not easy!! This last week, spirit flipped the script on me a couple of times, in some pretty big ways, and showed me the other side of the coin.
To begin with, I had volunteered to host a party for about 10-15 tribe members and only 3 people showed. Let me back up a bit and be honest with you: as the day of the party approached, I REALLY didn’t want to host it. My anxiety was through the roof and I had a lot of things that I would have rather been doing, and other places I would have rather spent my energy on.
Now I know as well as anybody, that everything happens for a reason and I choose to believe everything happens FOR me & not TO me, but ooh was I upset!!! And confused. If I really didn’t want to host the party, why was I feeling so hurt, angry, and disappointed? I understand illness, emergencies, and mental health priorities – but those were not the case for all of the day-of cancelations. It really highlighted for me the lack of care some people have for other people’s time and energy.
The incredibly valuable lesson I learned in that moment, is to discern who and what, is worthy of where I choose invest my most finite resources. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that the evening went just as it should. Each of us in attendance, sharing our valuable commodities with each other – those who would not only honor, but also return each investment – around a lovely, sacred fire. 🔥
Wouldn’t you know, just a few days after this party, I got the stomach flu and had to cancel assisting with a class I was looking forward to. I felt bad about it, but not too bad, as puking every hour was my top concern at the time.🤢 In that moment though, I was shown the beauty of humility and where I needed to extend a little more grace and understanding.
Yesterday morning, just a couple of days after the flu, I was on the mend well enough that I felt like I could stick to the plans I had made with a friend who was visiting from out of town. Even though I was excited to see my friend, I really wasn’t looking forward to the 1.5 + hour drive with a semi-queazy tummy & achy body. But I put the effort in. I did my hair and make up, laced up my walking shoes, and waited by the phone for her call saying it was time to leave. Only she canceled too. 😕
Ultimately, she chose to invest her most finite resource into her daughter. And that’s not wrong!! But once again, I was left with those feelings of hurt, anger, and disappointment – even when I know deep down, I never really wanted to leave my house in the first place!! It’s soooo confusing! Maybe it’s because I see the effort I put in, knowing how challenging it is for me, and expecting the same from others – when our lessons and our priorities are not the same. Nor should they be!
On the flip side of that experience, I had volunteered to accompany a sweet friend to an important event next week, that is bringing up a lot of anxiety for her. Only now, I have to cancel on her to attend a family funeral out of state. Ugh!!!!! To sit back and see the juxtaposition of it all, the swirling of so many different perspectives, is enough to make me feel nauseous again!🤢
It seems like we are living in an age where we spend countless hours on social media, that we’ve forgotten just how precious and finite time really is. Where ‘likes’ and ‘subscribes’ are more important than showing up for each other, face to face, in a real and authentic way. (I don’t mean to throw shade, if that’s where you choose to invest your time. Social media can be a valuable outreach tool, and ‘to each their own’ anyway!) Maybe it’s just that the ticking of the clock is a bit louder for me this week, on the heels of the death of a loved one.
I look for the lesson in everything, and obviously a big one here is being more mindful of where I choose to invest my time and energy in the future, and also where to extend a little more grace and understanding. I sit with this, and look for the deeper lesson because spirit has really been emphasizing it this week. Perhaps I need to pay closer attention to my own words and actions and less on others’? Or maybe I should see if my integrity is out of alignment anywhere I’m missing? Maybe I should try to be a little more flexible and a little less rigid?
Ding! Ding! Ding! Spirit whispers: Maybe you’re not as good with change as you think you are.
What?!?!!! No way! I’m so good with change, I move houses often and change jobs frequently just to keep things interesting!
Not the change you initiate, but the change brought about by others.
Oof! That one hit HARD! Now I’m definitely gonna be sick! 🤢
©2024
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